I LOVE KAYAKING!!!

23/02/2015

That moment when you realize you are actually a better kayaker than you thought you were; That moment when you realize that you are actually in control of your kayak and can make it go where you want it to; That moment when you finish running a rapid that you didn’t think you could do and you nailed it! That moment is awesome.

I have been getting to know a few of the rafting companies around Thamel and keeping an eye out for any upcoming trips. Last week, one company, some friends of a friend, said that they had someone book a 3-days trip to Bhote Koshi and if I wanted I could tag along. I have been dying to get out onto the river more and so I seized the opportunity. Bring it on Bhote Koshi!

Bhote Koshi is a more technical river which involves dodging lots of giant boulders. The river is especially rocky right now since the water levels are low. It’s great if you want to practice boofing (a term which means trying to bounce your kayak off rocks – something our guide clearly loved doing), but also not ideal for rolling. Given my history of neck injuries this past year, I didn’t want to take any chances hitting my head against some rocks. The other woman who was paddling with me had a full face helmet…smart. I need to get me one of those.

On the other hand, I think my back injury has actually helped improve my paddling by forcing me to have a better posture which means staying stronger in my core and using my hips more to control my boat. No more lazy paddling! Reversely, paddling is helping to strengthen my back and neck muscles and I haven’t been in any pain since I started paddling again. Who knew kayaking was a good way to treat whiplash?

I didn’t have anything to worry about though, since I only rolled once in 3 days of paddling and not even on one of the hard places where I was sure I would roll! (I also rolled a second time, but it doesn’t count because my guide literally pulled me under. I had been talking about how much fun kayak polo is and how I learned to edge after getting flipped 6 times in one game and my guide clearly thought the guys back home were onto something and decided to test my edging prowess. Also, I may have started it by trying to flip him first while he had his deck pulled…Needless to say, we both ended up upside down.)

On the first day, the run was really fun and there was only one rapid were I felt really nervous. We stopped to scout it and I had to sing some happy songs to keep me from psyching myself out. Of course, I nailed it and it was awesome. The next day we ran another river, Balefi, which was even more narrow and creeky but I felt it was a bit slower and easier than the day before. Again there was one rapid that we had to scout which had a bit of a drop and if you missed the line you would get pinned between two rocks. This rapid was less scary though because if you pinned it would be a really easy rescue and no need for rolling or swimming. The consequences were minimal. Of course, I pinned and laughed and laughed. I jumped out of my kayak, shouting: “that was fun! Let’s do it again!”

The last day, we ran the upper section of Bhote Koshi – a technical class 4 with continuous rapids (meaning no long stretches of flat water in between). The guides warned us the ride would be fast and intense – 30 minutes of hard paddling. I was really nervous and not sure I wanted to run it. The night before the guide had told me he thought the rapid would be a bit hard for me. We had discussed running it or not but the other woman wanted to give it a try. It was her last day kayaking in Nepal so I let her decide, but I was really worried about running it. I started off really shaky – I was managing to keep my boat upright but I was just barely making the moves and cutting it close to some rocks. We came to one of the tricky parts and eddied out at the top so that one guide could scout the way because there was a tree. I could see the moves he was making and I knew that if I was going to make it down this rapid I would need to calm down and stay focused. A part of me wanted to say: “I’m just going to get out here and walk” but the guide motioned for us to follow and before I knew it the other two were peeling out and I was right behind them. No time to think, just keep paddling!

At the halfway point, we eddied out again to rest a bit. I was breathing hard and for the first time ever, I had an asthma attack while paddling. I got out of my boat to stretch and took a couple puffs from my inhaler. The guide told us we had already passed two of the hard parts with only one left to go. I couldn’t believe I had already made it that far. I began to relax. I can do this, I thought. When I got back into my boat I was no longer shaking. The rest of the ride was smooth sailing and by the end of it I was smiling and even trying to boof off some rocks. When I reached the bottom, I was ecstatic. Not only did I make it, but I didn’t even roll once. I nailed that f***er like a champion!

It is such a great feeling to work hard to get good at something and then to see yourself improve. It feels amazing to look back at my skill level a year ago and compare to where I am now – rapids that looked terrifying and impossible to me then are now possible and even fun. A whole world of possibilities is opening up to me as I realize that I have the skill level to run more rivers and tougher rapids. I can keep challenging myself and improving my skills until I become like one of those paddlers that that people watch and go “wow, that person is amazing – and crazy!”

I want to go back to Bhote Koshi soon and run it again, but this time with confidence and style. I also want to do so many other rivers and the guys said that they would let me know whenever they have trips so I can join - and even if they don’t have trips we can still go have fun on the river together. I have skillz. I have paddling buddies. I have a kayak (that isn’t mine). I have all I need.

Om Namah Shivaya

18/02/15

I close my eyes again and lean my head back. Just help me get through this alive, I pray…

It’s been one hell of a day and my army of angels are out in full force tonight, working overtime to get me home safe. It’s late and the roads which are already dangerous by day are outright frightening after dark. I am sitting in the front seat - which I never do because you are more likely to get killed in the event of a collision – but I have been really sick all day and I figured I might feel less nauseous if I sat up front. I started feeling ill this morning on the way to Trisuli. I kept burping up these really rank nasty burps and when the car stopped for a pee break, I got out and threw up all of last night’s dahl bhat on a pile of garbage in the ditch. I’ve taken immodium to prevent diarrhea (because that is the last thing you want on a long bus ride), but today is not a good day for my stomach. I tried eating a couple small bananas and some crackers but I was not able to hold anything down. Now I’m getting hunger cramps from not having eaten all day.

For the ride back to Kathmandu, I wanted to get some gravol or something to help with the nausea but the only pharmacy in Fishling was already closed by the time we got off the river. I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and try to keep it in for the 3 hour drive along the narrow twisting mountainous pot hole filled road overrun by crazy and reckless drivers – not to mention the dust, exhaust fumes and traffic jams that all add to the pleasure of the ride. The driver that picked us up is really kind though and he offered to drive us all the way back to Thamel so that we wouldn’t have to get another taxi in Kathmandu – I am so grateful for this small act of kindness because it saves us not only a bit of money but a LOT of hassle and time when my sick body just wants to get back home as quickly as possible. Despite wanting to get back to Kathmandu quickly, I am also grateful that our driver is going slowly and not taking any chances passing big trucks.

There is no such thing as a safe way to pass on Himalayan roads. The roads twist and turn so much that if you are going to pass it will inevitably be in a corner. That’s why honking here is such a necessary component of driving. As careful as out driver was, at one point we started to pass a truck and another truck came around the corner ahead of us. The line of cars had already closed the gap we had just left so we couldn’t get back into our lane. Our driver braked and leaned on the horn to warn the other driver to stop, but he didn’t react right away. I opened my eyes to see the headlights coming straight at us and I had a moment of déjà vu from that snowy morning in September when another set of headlights had come bearing down on me. Fear seizes me and all I can think to say is "oh shit" (it won't make it on the buzzfeed list of 10 most memorable last words). At the last second, the truck in front of us slams on the brakes and stops literally a hair’s breadth away from us; I think he might have even lightly touched the front bumper…. Another near miss. I thank my lucky stars, but I can’t help but wonder if and when my luck might run out. My friend who is sitting beside me, grips my hand. It is a while before she lets go.

Earlier we witnessed a hit and run. We had just finished packing up our gear and were getting ready to shuttle back to Fishling when a microvan tried to dodge between two buses parked on either side of the road. One of the buses started to pull out and the microvan had to swerve to avoid hitting it, hitting a man instead who had been standing on the side of the road. People started yelling. One man was holding up the man who had been hit. He was still alive but unconscious. His cheek was trembling as if he was having a seizure and I did not think that he would survive. A crowd quickly began to gather and police from a nearby checkpoint rushed to the scene. I stood rooted to the spot until my friend yelled at me “Come on, Natasha, we have to go quickly there is going to be a (traffic) jam!” I followed her; there was nothing I could do to help anyway.

Today was supposed to be a fun day paddling the lower Trisuli. I had even brought a play boat this time to be able to surf on some waves and practice some tricks, but I have been too sick and weak all day to enjoy any surfing. It’s unfortunate because we did a section of lower Trisuli that we hadn’t done last time where all the fun rapids are. I even got some practice scouting from the river and leading the lines down the rapids. I don’t lead much, usually there is another kayaker who is better than me who leads the way, but I was the only kayaker today and the raft guide hadn’t been on that section of river in a few years so she would send me ahead to scout the rapid and signal to her which way she should line up the raft. It would have been more fun if I had been feeling better but instead of playing around and trying to punch through some holes, I played it safe, picking the easy lines and not trying anything stupid. If I survive the ride back to Kathmandu, I’ll be back again next week for another go at it.

There is a massive traffic jam when we get back to Kathmandu. The driver explains that it is the prime minister and his entourage that are being given the right of way and creating a massive back up in every direction. The traffic controller who is stationed at the intersection is doing a really bad job of directing traffic and other drivers keep making it worse by trying to go around the lineup so what was originally one line of cars quickly turns into three and by the time the traffic controller lets us through our lane has almost entirely been blocked by idiots trying to go in the other direction. We eventually squeeze our way through though our driver has to shake a fist at a few motorcycles who think they can pass anywhere. The clouds have been building up and flashes of lightning occasionally turn the sky a deep purple. The wind picks up and I can smell the storm brewing. We were so close to home, I was hopeful we would make it back before the rain, but the traffic jam held us up and by the time we arrive in Thamel it is pouring rain and big chunks of hail. I am only a 5 minute walk away from my guesthouse but with my boat and gear to carry in the rain while I am sick, I don’t think I can make it. I call a friend to come pick me up. He tells me “It’s raining. I don’t have a rain jacket.” But he comes to get me anyway. It’s almost 10 pm by the time I make it home and crawl into bed. I take some medicine and hope that the nausea won’t keep me awake all night.

Yesterday was Shivaratri – a crazy festival to celebrate the God Shiva, most commonly known as the God of destruction (although Shiva has many different faces and he has the power to create as well as destroy). I went to Shivaratri at Pushupatinath seven years ago and it was one of the most intense experiences of my life so I was a bit surprised at how uneventful yesterday was. I guess the intense energy from yesterday must have spilled over onto today. My neighbour tells me that it is all about balance and if you build up too much energy on one side then there will be a big push back from the other side in order to restore balance. Maybe it’s just the storm but I can feel the intensity in the air and her words make sense to me. Hopefully, tomorrow the world will have returned to a more balanced state and we can all just breathe normally again.

*I didn't get any pictures of babas who come to worship Shiva at Pushupatinath because they now charge foreigners 1000Rs (about 10$ which is ridiculously expensive here) to get into the park above the Temple - when I was there 7 yrs ago, entrance was free.

Pictures from the line up at the Temple in Pushupatinath

A storm is coming...

Not just a bystander

14/02/15

I am sitting on the rooftop washing my underwear, just minding my own business when a guy comes up and sits down to my left. A girl follows behind him reluctantly, head bowed, she avoids looking at me as she walks past. He is upset about something and is speaking harshly in low gruff tones. She keeps her head down and turned away. Occasionally, he grabs her by the chin to force her to look at him or grabs her by the arm to prevent her from pulling away. He keeps repeating the same question “why? Huh? Why?” Then SLAP. I don’t see his hand move but the sound is unmistakeable. I stop washing and stare at the scene unfolding in front of me. He knows I am there watching – I can tell because he avoids eye contact with me – but he ignores me. A second slap. This time I yell “hey!” loudly. He continues to ignore me. He calls someone on his phone and forces her to speak to whoever it is. She says something off script and he slaps her again a bit harder this time. I yell again and this time he motions irritatedly at me to be quiet.

I don’t understand the argument, but I understand the behaviour. He is controlling and jealous; a bully with a bad temper.  The girl has her back to me and I can’t hear anything she says, but she is clearly afraid of him and I find it unlikely that this is the first time that he has treated her this way. By the fourth slap, I am really mad. This time I yell : “ If you are going to be an asshole, go do it somewhere else, not in front of me. You are not welcome here.” This time he pays attention. He marches over to where I am sitting on my low stool in front of my washing bucket. His posture and the way he looms over me so that I have to look up at him indicate that he is trying to intimidate me, only I don’t frighten that easily. I look him straight in the eyes…If looks could kill, this guy would have been annihilated.

He tells me not to interfere in his personal affairs. I tell him to stop being violent and I won’t. He says I don’t understand the problem, that she broke his heart. I say I don’t need to understand the problem, I understand violence and it is not a good way to solve your problems. He asks me if I think girls should get to do whatever they want. I tell him that is beside the point, the point is regardless of what she did or did not do, it doesn’t give him the right to hit her and abuse her. He tells me if I don’t like it, I should leave. I tell him that he is the one that needs to leave (I live there) and that he shouldn’t come back either. Eventually he gets fed up and goes back to terrorize the girl he is with only this time he drags her farther away from where I am sitting.

About a minute later, another friend comes up the stairs. I am relieved to have someone else there. My friend doesn’t really catch what is going on, but tells the guy to calm down a couple times when the guy gets a bit too aggressive. The guy disappears to go fetch the pieces of the girl’s phone which he threw off the balcony earlier in the argument. I tell my friend that he has been hitting the girl. My friend goes over to her – by now she is huddled on the floor against the railings in tears – they exchange a few words and my friend comes back explaining that she said the guy beats her and she wants to leave him. When the guy comes back he throws the pieces of phone at her then comes to sit for a moment with my friend. More friends arrive and are made aware of the situation.

The girl leaves with the guy and I am afraid for her – I think that once he gets her will take her somewhere else to continue the abuse uninterrupted, but he comes back after a few minutes. He avoids looking at me, but I am pretty sure he can feel the anger sweeping off me like heat waves. My friends sit him down and they have a “talk”. After, they tell me everything is okay and it won’t happen again, but all that means it that it won’t happen in front of us again. Next time that guy wants to slap a girl around, he will take her somewhere where there are no nosy foreigners around to interfere with his “personal affairs”.  I tell my friends that I don’t want the guy to be allowed back here. They make excuses for him saying things like “oh well, he was just angry…his application to go to Japan was rejected so he was having a bad day”. They brush his violence off as if it was not intentional, as if this was the only time he was ever violent (which I doubt), as if he didn’t really know what he was doing. But this is part of the problem, when we don’t hold perpetrators of violence accountable for their actions then they can continue being violent without anyone ever really questioning or challenging their behaviour. Well, today I challenged one guy’s behaviour and if he shows up here again, I will again hold him accountable for it. I will not pretend like nothing happened and like everything is just fine and dandy. I won’t react in anger again because that likely won`t be very productive and will only make him defensive and aggressive, but I do hope that by continuing to question his behaviour that he might eventually learn something from it. And not only him, but my friends as well. I hope that all of them have been given cause for reflection and that they might take the issue of men’s violence against women a bit more seriously next time and not brush it under the rug.

I am posting this in part because I was really shaken up by the incident (like literally, I was shaking I was so angry and upset) and writing is one way that I calm myself and work through strong emotions, but I also wanted to share my reflections because I think it is important to talk about these things. Intervening as a bystander (and in particular in this instance as a foreigner in another culture where I don’t speak the language) is never an easy thing to do and I am sure that while reading this many people might think that I could’ve/should’ve reacted in another way or done something different. I don’t think that there is ever an ideal situation of violence in which to intervene as a bystander and at the end of the day there will always be “what ifs” but I continue to believe that the important thing is to speak up, to engage people in dialogues about violence against women and other forms of violence and to continue reflecting and learning. It is the only way to make change happen.

Trisuli

7/02/15

I am the first to arrive at the office. I look at the time: 6:09am. The sun isn’t even up yet. I sit on the front step and wait. Today is the day I finally get to go paddling. It took some doing. After a month and ½ of delays, the girls wanted to cancel again on me yesterday. I finally had to put my foot down to make this trip happen or I might never have seen any rivers in Nepal. The last few weeks I have been feeling more and more restless and frustrated by the fact that I haven’t done any paddling yet or even done much of anything at all here. Every day I feel like time is running out and I don’t have much to show for the time I have been here. Today is a breakthrough. Finally I will be doing something other than sitting around Kathmandu procrastinating and pretending to be working on my thesis when really I haven’t made any progress whatsoever (no surprises there).

In the end everything works out the way it was meant to and the clients that were supposed to go on a trip today but didn’t call (the reason the girls wanted to cancel), called in the morning to confirm their booking. Not only are we going to the river, but now the girls are working so they have a reason for going beyond just accommodating me.

When the clients arrive at the river, we are surprised to find 4 Nepali guys instead of the two foreign women we were expecting, but not matter, the sun is shining and it is a beautiful day to be on the river. It rained the night before and everyone has been saying that it is a sign that warm weather is on its way. The “cold” season is officially over. Nevertheless, I jump in the river to test its temperature so that I will know whether I need to wear my wetsuit or not. I should have known that it wouldn’t be as cold as everyone said it would be. I put my dry top on and leave my wetsuit in my bag.

The first day we do the lower section of Trisuli. The water level is low and the run isn’t that exciting, but it gives me the opportunity to ease back into things and gage how my neck injury will handle the strain. The boat I am in is long and slow to react. I don’t like it much and would prefer to have my playboat with me. I see local guys with their playboats and I am reminded of my smashed up wavesport EZG back home. I miss my boat...

We ride back in the back of the truck – just the way I like it! At first the boys gallantly insisted on sitting in the back but they were freezing so the girls put them into the cab and rode in the back with me. At some point the driver slammed on the breaks and sent us all flying. One girl hit her head pretty hard and another who was still wearing her helmet exclaimed “safety first!” Indeed I always feel much safer on the river than on the road in Nepal.

At night we make a fire and bbq some chicken over a grill. It tastes delicious but I am not that hungry because I already filled up on dahl bhat (the typical Nepali dish of rice and lentils).  Everyone is speaking Nepali and I don’t understand anything so I sing to myself wishing I had a guitar. I am exhausted and just want to sleep but I don’t want to be the first to go to bed and be a party pooper so I stay up. It’s a full moon and the night is clear and glowing with silvery light. The river sparkles in the reflection of the moon and I feel at peace – this is how I remember Nepal; with the soothing sound of the river in the background, the warm glow of the fire, the laughter of friends, the feeling that everything is right with the world…This is what I was searching for when I made the decision to come back here.

That evening, I reminisce about the fun times I had the first time I was in Nepal when everyday was about kayaking and enjoying life, drinking roxy (local wine) and playing music around campfires. Things are different this time around with more work and less play, more responsibilities and fewer random spontaneous adventures. Previously when I was here, my guides and friends were pretty much all young men who were unattached, carefree and at liberty to do what they want. At that time, if we wanted to take off for three days to go down the river or to go on a trek or to randomly paddle across Phewa lake one day and camp out on the other side, we could just go; we weren’t accountable to anyone or anything. But the reality for the women at Himalayan Adventure Girls is quite different; they have families to take care of, responsibilities outside of their work and financial concerns that keep them busy and means they have less free time to spend on the river. I believe this is one of the reasons why I often find it more challenging to develop relationships with women when I travel than with men because my reality is closer to that of men than women. As a result, I have more in common with men and can bond more easily with them over our shared freedom and independence.

The second day we do the upper section which is a way more fun! The rapids are just challenging enough to be fun without being big enough to be scary. The girls are rafting but one of the local guys joins me kayaking.  I flip more times than I would have liked but I am confident that if I run it again, I could do a clean sweep of it. Unfortunately, the girls don’t want to try it again, that evening they tell me they want to go back to Kathmandu. I am a bit disappointed; we had originally planned to do about a week of training on the river, but I understand that they have worries to take care of at home.

I decide to stay behind to enjoy a few more days on the river. After sending the girls off on a bus back to Kathmandu, I enjoy a nap in the sun on a raft drying on the beach while eating oranges. Later, I gear up and borrow someone’s playboat to practice surfing on a wave. The boats here are fitted to tiny Nepali people and we have to take out all the hip padding so that I can fit – this is fairly normal for me as they don’t really make kayaks for women and I have enough hip padding already that I don’t need any extra. It takes me awhile to get back into it, but I eventually manage a spin which made my day a success.

On my last day, I kayak the upper section again and didn’t flip once! I was super proud of myself, especially on the last big drop which had caught me off guard the previous day but which I was ready for this time. I dug my paddle in and managed to hang on as I crashed between two big holes (that’s right I went between them, not straight through them- whose the hole bait now, huh??). I finished with a great big “I LOVE KAYAKING!” and some paddle high fives with my two friends. Every day is a great day when you are on the river!

Unfortunately, I have to head back to Kathmandu tomorrow to meet with the girls and do some work. I really wish I could just stay here and keep paddling, but I know I will be back soon. And next time I will bring a playboat! It’s going to be fun!