All in a day's work

Some curious passerbys pop their heads in the doorway to peek into the room where we are working. The girls are huddled together on a folded up yoga mat and giggling. Their challenge is to flip the mat over with all of them standing on the mat – not allowed to touch ground!

We have been working on identifying problems and solutions to developing their business and in between doing a bit of teambuilding. Starting a tourism based company in Nepal isn’t an easy feat and the girls are up against some really tough competition. While being the only women-owned and operated adventure company gives them a competitive edge, this unique quality can also be seen as a bit of a disadvantage. As women, the adventure girls have to fight against the belief that women are not strong enough or skilled enough to be river guides. While some people (like me) might choose to hire Himalayan Adventure Girls as guides because they support the cause of women’s empowerment and want to encourage more women participating in the adventure tourism industry; Others need to be convinced that women can do as good a job, if not better, than men.

“We are really proud to be Himalayan Adventure Girls, but some people look down on us. They don’t see that we can also work hard.”

“They say we are not strong enough to carry a raft” Another girl adds laughing, “but none of the guides can carry a raft by themselves, they always hire porters to carry the rafts.”

In some cases, women are harder to convince than men. Some men like the idea of having a female guide (it makes the trip more interesting), but some women feel they are not strong enough to do the work of a guide, so they assume other women can’t do it either. Those that do choose to go on a trip with the girls though don’t regret it. The best way to promote your company is through happy clients who spread the word by talking about their experience with their friends. Last Saturday the girls took a group of 8 students rafting on Bhote Koshi river. The students were so thrilled with the experience they are currently recruiting more friends to go on another big rafting trip. The trip also gave the girls publicity as it is not every day that locals see a raft go buy with a woman guiding and a woman as safety kayak. The girls reported that local people were surprised and impressed to see women guiding on the river without any male support.

On top of facing sexism and discrimination, the girls also struggle with being short staffed and lacking resources. For example, there are only 4 women working for the company right now and not only do they do all the guiding and trip planning, but they also have to do all the office administration, finances, marketing and communication on their own. Most companies will hire an office assistant, accountant and IT/communications manager to take care of all the different aspects of running a business, however the girls have to do it all themselves until they have the resources to hire some help. This means learning to master new skills like how to work on the computer/internet, how to write in English, how to manage business accounts, etc. They aren’t kidding when they say they have an “all-skills” adventure company; these women do everything!

Another major challenge the girls have to overcome is the fact that they do not own their own raft. Every time they have a booking, they have to search for a company kind enough to rent them a raft- but no company will rent a raft unless you also hire a guide to go with it (you can’t just rent the raft, you have to hire the guide too). However, the girls don’t need a guide, they ARE the guides. What they need is a raft. We are in the process of looking for money to buy a raft, but rafts are expensive and ideally, the girls would need more than one. That’s part of why we are here today, to think of solutions, to strategize and do some action planning for how the girls are going to build up and expand their company.

Before the end of the meeting, it starts pouring rain outside. The girls sit on cushions sprawled around the room. They are talking and joking together about a guy in spandex shorts the last time we went rafting. I don’t get the jokes but it makes me smile just to listen and watch them enjoying themselves. Someone pulls out a makeup case and the girls put on some lipstick. One girl tells me about the “old fashioned” ideas of her mother who thinks a woman shouldn’t leave the house without putting on makeup. I love how the girls can be both feminine and beautiful as well as hard core paddlers. I tell the girls how back home I would show up at the intake in a dress and high heels with my kayak over one shoulder and a paddle in my hand. Us lady kayakers really know how to style it!

It’s getting late and the rain isn’t letting up. We realize we are going to have to get wet in order to get home. It isn’t so bad for me, I don’t live far, but a couple of the girls have a long journey home. Our host goes to the cupboard and pulls out a maroon matching rain proof pants and jacket for one girl and a black rain poncho for another, the last girl gets a green rain jacket. Another girl offers to share her umbrella with me. We tromp off into the drizzling night rain, our clothes dampened but not our spirits.

Learning compassion and non-violence

29/02/2015

Another violent man, another woman suffering. I can hear her through the walls of my room though the sound is muffled by the rain outside. I struggle to figure out whether the noise is coming from next door or downstairs. I pace. Should I go over there and knock on the door? What if I make it worse for her? It’s already a lot worse than the last one. She isn’t just getting a few slaps. The beating started with the sound of breaking glass and what sounded like a rack of dishes being thrown to the floor. Who do you think will be cleaning up that mess afterwards?

I can’t handle this shit. It makes me so angry and upset. I don’t understand how someone can be so brutal to another human being. I don’t understand how someone can hurt the person they claim to love. The guy next door has been with his girlfriend for something like two years and how often in that time has he used her as a punching bag? The violence erupted out of the blue. Things were quiet next door and the lights were out, I thought they had gone to bed early – the beating seemed to come out of nowhere…without provocation, rhyme or reason.

I have to try hard to see these violent men as humans. I have to try hard to see beyond the act of violence. Not in order to make excuses or justify their behaviour, but in order to feel compassion instead of anger.  I need to rise above feeling angry: First, for my own sanity and well-being because anger is a burden too heavy for my heart to carry; and second, because if I want to create a world of non-violence than I need to start by eliminating the aggressiveness and rage inside of me. While anger might have its place in any struggle for justice, it is an emotion that can only take us so far. How can we hope to change the world if we don’t change ourselves first? If I react in anger then I reinforce the perpetrator’s violent behaviour by demonstrating that anger is a normal and acceptable way to resolve our problems. When what I really want to show him is that as humans we can control our emotions and we can choose to react differently. Using violence is a choice; it is not who we ARE. Consequently, a person can CHOOSE to use violence or can choose NOT to use violence.

I don’t believe that people should be defined by their worst actions. People are neither good nor evil, but we all have within us the capacity to DO good or evil. If we say that someone “IS violent” then violence becomes the defining aspect of their identity; violence becomes a part of who he is rather than something he does. Violence, in this sense, is portrayed as a fatalistic character flaw that the person cannot change easily which subsequently removes accountability (ex: it’s not his fault, he was born that way). However, if we see violence as something a person DOES instead of IS than it becomes something they can control. We might not be able to change who we ARE but we can change what we DO. Thus, I would like to retract the statement I made above: My neighbour is not a violent man; he is a man who last night CHOSE to use violence against his girlfriend. Next time, I hope he will make a different choice.

It might seem like simple semantics, but rephrasing the discourse this way gives me hope that things can change. Currently, society teaches men to use violence to resolve their differences, but if violence is something someone can learn then it can also be UNlearned. Men can learn to control their anger and they can learn to use non-violence. But in order to help these men change their behaviours we need to be able to see them as human, not as monsters; so that they can also see themselves as human. We need to be able to show them compassion and help them commit to a life of non-violence by showing them that they have a choice; that they do not have to use violence.

…Beautiful words. A nice thought…but I’m not there yet. As much as I would like to be able to show compassion and forgiveness; as much as I would like to rise above it all; I’m still dealing with my own anger.