River Roots: Traditional on the inside, modern on the outside

21/11/14

I wanted to address the topic of beauty in my blog because it has been a predominant theme throughout residency. It defines so many aspects of our lives and often unconsciously (or maybe consciously?) influences how we are treated and treat others.

My reflection starts on November 21 when we held a focus group with my team members and our Chinese buddies to discuss a romantic comedy (If you are the one) we had viewed together. The movie choice was that of our buddies. Anyone who knows me can tell you that rom-coms are not really my thing, but from an academic perspective they provide some interesting topics for discussion. Universal themes such as love, marriage, family values, sex & sexuality, fidelity and beauty provided us with endless fodder for discussion.

One of the things that struck me and my team members was the way women were represented in the movie (I was lucky enough to be on a team of awesome feminists). The storyline consisted of a man searching for a wife through online dating. In his personal ad the protagonist writes: “looking for a woman who is traditional on the inside but modern on the outside”. Meaning a woman who is willing to cook and clean and accommodate her husband’s needs but who is also beautiful and stylish so her husband can show her off when he goes out. “Chinese women today are expected to possess traditional Chinese virtues, such as being submissive and nurturing, along with physical beauty according to an Anglo-European standard” (Zhang, 2012).

Throughout the film a series of stereotyped women were paraded in front of the protagonist; the traditional woman, the career-oriented woman, the prude woman, the unwed pregnant woman, the “goddess”… All of them flawed, failing to meet the standards of perfection laid out in the image of the “ideal” woman. In The Beauty Myth, Naomi Wolf (1991) compares beauty to an economic system in which women are each assigned a value based on their physical appearance which helps maintain the institution of male dominance by forcing women to compete with each other. Similarly, in the film the women were all evaluated and judged by the male protagonist according to a set list of criteria that he had outlined in his “profile”.

Brides in red (traditional) or white (modern) dresses were often found doing photo shoots in various sites.

photo credit: Hope Hickli

We are on a quest to find perfection. Even the question “what do you look for in a partner?” implies that there is a list of criteria somewhere that a person must meet in order to qualify as a “match”. The problem is not having a preference for certain attributes or qualities in a person, but it is when we rely on those “lists” unquestioningly. It becomes a problem when we come to believe that circles are the only real shape and that all the other shapes should look like circles. It becomes a problem when all the squares, triangles, stars and octagons feel they need cosmetic surgery in order to fit into the circle hole. It becomes a problem when people are made to believe that they aren’t good enough or worthy enough of love because they don’t fit the criteria dictated by society.

The issue of worth was raised when the topic turned to fidelity. One of the buddies had asked what people thought of the female protagonist, who was having an affair with a married man, and whether or not she was to blame for the affair. During the discussion, the only man in the group commented that a man would be justified in looking somewhere else for satisfaction if his wife is “not beautiful enough or excellent enough”. In other words, dignity and respect are not inherent in a relationship, but rather depend on a woman’s ability to fit inside the circle hole. This also implies that regardless of what the man did, the woman is to blame because if he did something wrong (like cheating) it was because she wasn’t good enough; therefore, the fault is hers even if he is the one who consciously committed the act. See what I’m getting at here?

As a result, beauty is not only a significant factor in finding a partner, but also plays a crucial role in a woman’s supposed ability to maintain the relationship and secure her boyfriend/husband’s fidelity. This could explain why some women will continue to make painstaking efforts to look young and beautiful even in their old age. I recognize that men also go through a lot of pressure to look good in order to attract beautiful women, but once they are married they stop trying. Women, on the other hand, continue to grasp at their youth, fearing old age and the possibility that their partner will leave them for someone younger and more beautiful.

Young women will often pay for a photo shoot in order to preserve their youth and beauty.

photo credit: Fiona Cheong

Beauty is closely related to age with many people associating youthfulness with attractiveness and fertility. As a result, there is a significant amount of pressure placed on young women to get married before they are 30 years old. The deadline to get married came up several times in conversations with buddies who also informed us that some girls will keep a “backup” boyfriend on hand so that she will have something to fall back on if she doesn’t find “Mr. Right” before she turns 30. For some people, it is better to settle than to end up a spinster (possibly for the rest of your life). However, things appear to be changing because most of the people I spoke to, both men and women, said they would prefer to wait for the right time and the right person rather than get married before 30 just because they feel they have to. It’s just as well because I turn 30 next year so hopefully this shift towards a more liberal attitude towards marriage can buy me a few more years before I earn the spinster title.

Zhang, M. (2012). A chinese beauty story: How college women in china negotiate beauty, body image, and mass media. Chinese Journal of Communication, 5(4), 437-454. doi:10.1080/17544750.2012.723387

Wolf, N. (1991). The beauty myth: How images of beauty are used against women. Random House.